Recently my husband and I made the huge decision to let me stay home and raise Ezekiel. Even though I only worked 2 days a week the thought of being away from my child for those 10 hour days just broke my heart and made me feel sick inside. I think I was a little jealous of the thought that someone else could possibly see my baby do things for the first time and I would miss out on his accomplishments. It wasn't just those little things that made the idea of returning to work hard, it was also everything involved with nursing a baby. I had already celebrated the day that I got to return my beloved pump when Baby Z graduated to a full time nursing baby and I just didn't want to welcome that awful thing back into the family... HA!
There are so many things that I didn't really think about before Ezekiel was born. I knew I would probably be home and not do very much for the first few weeks, but I never thought about how intense a schedule for a EBF baby could be.. like if you don't nurse after a few hours not only is baby screaming but Momma is dealing with a t-shirt problem if you know what I mean?? And not the Wet T-shirt contest that anyone would want to enter...(not that I would ever have/or thought of entering any other kind of wet t-shirt contest either). I didn't think about how I would be planning out when I needed to feed my baby and plan it just right so that we could take off and be driving to Portland or where ever for 2 hours or so and get there before he would start crying because he was hungry. Or going out to eat... or going to the beach...
I never considered the fact that sometimes I might just have to be prepared to feed my baby in PUBLIC with no private nursing mothers room! It's funny the little tricks and methods you can come up with to keep yourself modest. I know I live in hippie town USA but I'm sorry I'm not just gonna whip out the boob for all to see... and I never really thought about the fact that there are just somethings that I might have to miss out on....
LIKE WATCHING FIREWORKS ON THE BEACH LOOKING OVER THE OCEAN....HOW ROMANTIC.......
This 4th of July we got to be at the coast for the first time on this holiday and as everyone was loading up to go find the perfect spot on the sand I thought to myself (being very practical) "Why in the world am I thinking that I can bring my baby out to the beach tonight?" It probably would be a lot different if we were on the beach in Southern California or in Florida somewhere warm, but on the Oregon coast even during the warmest day in the summer the beach is cold, windy, sandy, did I say cold and windy??? So Brian jumped in the van with his parents and I ended up back at the house with my bubby.
As much as was glad that I was in a warm house snuggling my sleep, exhausted from a long weekend baby, I was starting to get a little sad about the fact that I was missing out on the fireworks. At this point one could get a little depressed thinking "I'm not gonna get to do anything fun for a while" or you could think about the fact that the decisions you make could adversely affect this tiny little being in your possession! So be wise, right! I'm not saying sit at home and do nothing or go nowhere.. Evaluate each situation as it comes up.
Psalm 37There are so many things that I didn't really think about before Ezekiel was born. I knew I would probably be home and not do very much for the first few weeks, but I never thought about how intense a schedule for a EBF baby could be.. like if you don't nurse after a few hours not only is baby screaming but Momma is dealing with a t-shirt problem if you know what I mean?? And not the Wet T-shirt contest that anyone would want to enter...(not that I would ever have/or thought of entering any other kind of wet t-shirt contest either). I didn't think about how I would be planning out when I needed to feed my baby and plan it just right so that we could take off and be driving to Portland or where ever for 2 hours or so and get there before he would start crying because he was hungry. Or going out to eat... or going to the beach...
I never considered the fact that sometimes I might just have to be prepared to feed my baby in PUBLIC with no private nursing mothers room! It's funny the little tricks and methods you can come up with to keep yourself modest. I know I live in hippie town USA but I'm sorry I'm not just gonna whip out the boob for all to see... and I never really thought about the fact that there are just somethings that I might have to miss out on....
LIKE WATCHING FIREWORKS ON THE BEACH LOOKING OVER THE OCEAN....HOW ROMANTIC.......
This 4th of July we got to be at the coast for the first time on this holiday and as everyone was loading up to go find the perfect spot on the sand I thought to myself (being very practical) "Why in the world am I thinking that I can bring my baby out to the beach tonight?" It probably would be a lot different if we were on the beach in Southern California or in Florida somewhere warm, but on the Oregon coast even during the warmest day in the summer the beach is cold, windy, sandy, did I say cold and windy??? So Brian jumped in the van with his parents and I ended up back at the house with my bubby.
As much as was glad that I was in a warm house snuggling my sleep, exhausted from a long weekend baby, I was starting to get a little sad about the fact that I was missing out on the fireworks. At this point one could get a little depressed thinking "I'm not gonna get to do anything fun for a while" or you could think about the fact that the decisions you make could adversely affect this tiny little being in your possession! So be wise, right! I'm not saying sit at home and do nothing or go nowhere.. Evaluate each situation as it comes up.
4 Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you your heart’s desires.
As I was sitting in the house with Ezekiel getting ready to feed him (another thing I didn't want to do at the beach) I could hear fireworks going off everywhere. I just love that sound of celebration, the 4th of July is one day that you can relax when big explosions sound off and not work if something is wrong! And then to my surprise in the corner of my eye I see a huge firework burst right outside of the balcony window!!! Wow! These weren't just the little firecrackers that you can buy in Oregon, these were the big illegal ones that you have to drive to Washington to buy!! I was so excited I grabbed Zeke and put him in his warm jammies and we went out on the balcony and got to see our own private little display of fireworks!!! And at 3 months old I KNOW he saw them because each time one went off he perked up and his eyes just got huge!
It says take delight in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. If I had chosen to get upset at the fact that I wasn't out with everyone else enjoying the show would we have got to see our own little show? Maybe? Maybe not? But I'm gonna take it as an example of the LORD giving me the desires of MY heart. :) Something I have been really needing for a while.... a little pick me up to know that He still cares for ME.
Psalm 22
9 Yet you brought me safely from my mother’s womb
and led me to trust you at my mother’s breast.
10 I was thrust into your arms at my birth.
You have been my God from the moment I was born.
9 Yet you brought me safely from my mother’s womb
and led me to trust you at my mother’s breast.
10 I was thrust into your arms at my birth.
You have been my God from the moment I was born.
I'm sure it wasn't a coincidence that when all of the family arrived back at the house at about 11pm at separate times each one individually told me that I had made the right decision to take Zeke home instead of going to the beach. I guess it was extremely windy and very cold, they had made a fire to stay warm and all smelled like campfire smoke when they got home. I'm so glad that I didn't go I would have been so upset with myself if I did go and because of the weather my baby had gotten his first cold.
I'm so grateful that I can trust God to take care of me when I listen to Him. In all of this I am learning how important my role as a Momma is to my little one. Now I don't just make decisions for myself but along with my husband we have to make decisions for our child. We have to make decisions that please God because ultimately we are teaching little Ezekiel how to trust God by how we live. It's amazing to me that even this tiny little being already knows the presence of God. He absolutely loves the song "How He Loves" its one of the only ones that automatically calms him down every time it is played. This afternoon we were singing to Kari Jobe and Klaus' version of the song and I had my hands raised and at that moment I looked down and it was like he was already mimicking me and he had his hands raised praising the LORD as well. It's amazing to me that the most powerful moments of the song are when my little Ezekiel smiles the most! He already knows How much he is loved by God and I will do my best to make sure it stays that way!
I'm so grateful that I can trust God to take care of me when I listen to Him. In all of this I am learning how important my role as a Momma is to my little one. Now I don't just make decisions for myself but along with my husband we have to make decisions for our child. We have to make decisions that please God because ultimately we are teaching little Ezekiel how to trust God by how we live. It's amazing to me that even this tiny little being already knows the presence of God. He absolutely loves the song "How He Loves" its one of the only ones that automatically calms him down every time it is played. This afternoon we were singing to Kari Jobe and Klaus' version of the song and I had my hands raised and at that moment I looked down and it was like he was already mimicking me and he had his hands raised praising the LORD as well. It's amazing to me that the most powerful moments of the song are when my little Ezekiel smiles the most! He already knows How much he is loved by God and I will do my best to make sure it stays that way!
Do you use a cover? you can still be very modest and enjoy all the fun that goes on around you. I nursed Erica till she was 17 months old and nursed in public often but was still covered and never showed myself. there may come a point that you get frustrated with nursing because you miss out on things, so I hope you find a way to still be involved with out needing to leave every time Ezekiel wants to feed. So glad to hear that you and Brian were able to make the choice to keep you home. I know just how you feel and know the joy of being able to stay home with my kids.
ReplyDeleteI do have a cover I'm just not really happy with it... When we were up in Portland last weekend we sat in the park and I nursed him in my sling and had Brian help me with his blanket it wasn't bad at all, I just think its weird to nurse at a restaurant and didn't want to on the beach cause of the sand. Because he was a preemie it took a little more than 2 months before he was nursing with out me helping him a lot so nursing in public up until then wasn't really an option for me. :(
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